Wholly Dependent

When I was a child, my mom was called to my school to confirm that my dad was indeed a fireman at the White House! I wish I could remember what your grandma said to me.

I do remember that it wasn’t the last whopper of a lie I told at school.  Fortunately, I wasn’t the only liar, liar, pants on fire on the playground.

Kids are going to tell you all sorts of stories. Your mom and dad started down this path with the two of you when you were probably too young to remember. I remember taking bites out of cookies we’d baked as a family, and picking up the reindeer food off the front lawn before you woke to the presents that Santa had brought for being “good”. We tried to take you to see the Easter bunny too.  But one, if not both of you were scared of that oversized, giant-eyed, floppy-eared lagomorph.

Then one day we were convicted of our roles in accordance to scripture. On that day, your mom and I made a decision to always tell you both the truth and to answer your questions truthfully. Unless of course, we thought that you were too young to understand.  At which point we would tell you to wait until the appropriate time.

That’s why, before you both entered grade school, mom and dad became the present bearers, the people who gave you money for that swallowed tooth, and the ones who pointed you to the resurrection of our Savior, and not a fictitious over-sized bunny bearing chocolate eggs on Easter.

As our pastor told us on that day we became convicted of the “little” lies we perpetuate throughout a child’s life…if they can’t trust you with the small things, how can they trust you with the big things.  We too, like he and his wife, wanted to be able to look you both in the face and say, “mom and dad stand for and represent the truth”.

When the kids on the playground grow up, the lies don’t stop.  Even well meaning Christians who profess the truth, tell stories that distort the truth…your mom and dad included.  We all fall short of perfection. Fortunately, we have the perfect, holy inerrant Word of God to guide our life.

We pray that you’ll be given the Spirit to discern truth from heresy. That you one day by his grace, his mercy, his Spirit come to believe what he says will bring you eternal communion with him. That you choose to place your trust in Christ, the only way that will keep any one of us from the very real, scripturally true place where his glory is absent, and where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, forever and ever.  We pray that being set apart from common secular traditions will ultimately pave the way to finding peace and comfort in the then and there and not in the here and now.  We pray that we both set an example of compassion as we work to humbly stand for biblical truth and always speaking that truth in love.

Ephesians 4:11-16

11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.  15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

By the time that you read this, you’ll undoubtedly have been in my car hundreds, if not thousands of times.  One thing you’ll have noticed is that I’ve seemingly frittered away too much time keeping it clean, regularly maintained and “ding-free”. The same holds true for just about anything else that your mom and I have saved for, and spent our hard-earned money on to make our life a little more comfortable.

After we purchased our first home, we made the decision to “never replace anything due to neglect”, including relationships.  I wish I could say that we maintained relationships as well as we maintained our stuff. Unfortunately, before we came to know Christ, the rules for maintaining relationships were based upon selfish, self-serving rules we had set for ourselves.  Those rules ultimately worked to cause your mom and I to neglect each other.  We let the world dictate a “what have you done for me lately” attitude in our hearts.

Over the course of several years, there were enough dings, scrapes and dents to just not care anymore. When the vehicle you are driving through life starts to show wear and tear, our flesh doesn’t look to work or nurture it back to repair, but to replace it with something shiny and new.

Fortunately, God’s will was to first reconcile us to him, and then to each other.  It’s only through his grace, mercy and will for our marriage to bring him glory that we can stand together today. Not as two separate cars racing through life to see who’ll get to the finish line first, but as one body, united to serve the creator of Heaven and earth.

We pray, not just for your hearts to be reconciled to our father in Heaven, but that the hearts of potential spouses being prepared in accordance to his will, be reconciled to him too.

I pray these things, not so that you may never experience the dings, scrapes and bruises that come with marriage and relationships, but so that you may one day turn to him to do the restorative work that brings him glory. I pray too, that you may be blessed with brothers and sisters in Christ who provide godly examples of what it means to live for Christ.

Hebrews 10:24-25

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

"Here Am I"

Dear Daughters,

In a few days I’ll be getting on yet another flight. The cool thing about my fourth flight in as many days, is that I’ll be meeting my dear brother-in-Christ, Pastor Wagih.  God’s sovereignty, his providence and provisions have allowed my schedule and his to be aligned as we board a flight in Denver en route to Orange County for his much anticipated visit.

About a year ago, I remember praising God for a new business and also asking for opportunities to serve our church in a different capacity. I wasn’t seeking something new due to a lack of contentment, I was asking God to direct my feet and not have my flesh use the increased demands of a new business, including increased traveling, as an excuse to not serve the body of saints.  What happened as a result of bended knees and head bowed down, was simply amazing.

Within days of saying God, “Here am I”, I received an email from one of our pastors asking if I’d be interested in leading a team to Cairo.  ”You sure you got the right person?”, I thought. Long story short, I ended up spending weekends, evenings in hotel rooms, and any other available time, planning for what came to be an incredible blessing to our family.

As I look back now and think back to the day I told my new business partner that I probably wouldn’t be available to work during the month of August, I’m in awe of my partners response.  In any business, it’s tough when an employee takes 3 weeks off for personal business. When you are one of the owners, and the business is in it’s infancy, it’s even tougher.  My equally yoked partner, who has been walking with the Lord perhaps eight times longer than myself, prayed for God to make it possible, and to provide peace in both of our hearts regardless of the outcome.  More importantly though, he prayed that we would both be in his will.

August of last year, I took that trip to Egypt. Even up until the last day, I didn’t think I would get on that plane! But, once the cockpit door slammed shut, my heart was at peace and my mind was firmly focused on the ministry at hand.

I pray then, that you are both given opportunities to serve your church with the talents that God has given you.  I pray, that he gives you a heart that surrenders to his will, his desires and the promptings of his spirit. It is my hope that you stand firm one day, and cry out “Abba, here am I…send me”.

Isaiah 6:4-8

4 And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. 5 And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” 6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”

Isaiah’s Commission from the Lord

8 And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Dear Daughters,

Your mom and I love watching romantic comedies. It’s one of our few vices and what some folks would consider a “time-wasting” past time. Never-the-less, through the years we’ve connected through the music, our favorite scenes, or by traveling to places like Paris and New York to live out our own version of our favorite on-screen scenes.

But no matter what, whether it be me proposing to your mom in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park or renewing our vows during some enchanted evening against the backdrop of a South Pacific sunset…the moments in between those adventures is what continues to take my breath away.

As I sit on my flight and listen to, “The Wee Small Hours of the Morning”, I can’t help but remember back to when your mom and I were dating.  Like the song, I remember lying awake at night…and that’s when I missed her most of all.

Funny how some things never change.  After nearly sixteen years together, we still love the same old movies, and I still try to keep her up at night to keep my restless self company.

Thankfully, no matter how impossible, or how spectacular a love story is written for people to watch on the screen, always know that I’ve known no greater love than the one God provided through his Son.

It’s my hope and my prayer that as the two of you watch love unfold in your life, that your mom and I serve as a proper template of real love between a man and a woman.  The type of love that does not boast, does not envy, does not keep track of wrongs, and always forgives.

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but it rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Years ago I started down this journey that has kept me (at least recently) from being part of your everyday lives.  I still remember the conversation I had with my dad, your grandpa about wanting to one day become a writer, lecturer and public speaker.  It never occurred to me at the age of 15, that I would need to contend with certain sacrifices, most notably, being away from you and your mom.

Had I known then what I know now, I probably would have made better financial decisions earlier in life.  It may not have changed the outcome of having to be on the road so much today, but perhaps it could have given us the opportunity to hire additional help for your mom during my extended absences.

I have to tell you both, that she is a remarkable woman.  Most people may think that I’m the rock, the foundation of our family, but as you both are aware, our family’s foundation is in Christ alone.

Even as a humble servant, who has submitted to our Lord and his rules, my role as the spiritual leader wouldn’t be complete without your mom by my side.  She is the glue to my structure.  If I could describe her in a word, I’d have to say, that your mom is my hero.

Not the ‘come in and saves the day when I’m in trouble’ kind of hero. She’s the always reliable, never thinks of herself, maintains control, self-sacrificing, real-deal, genuine all the time type of hero.

Woman today are portrayed negatively when you consider the role of an Ephesians wife or Proverbs 31 woman.  I’m humbled by God’s sovereignty and his blessings to our household that he provided for the three of us, a woman after his own heart.

I pray that he has the same grace and mercy in store for your own hearts.

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

Proverbs 31

10 An excellent wife who can find?
 She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

Just do it …

Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3

As a child of the eighties, those three words drove an unbridled, yet disciplined approach to accumulating accolades and praise from a world eager to reward the self-made man. I remember distinct moments over multiple decades, where that mantra kick-started me into action on the latest idea or project, or just got me out of bed for the dreaded workout.

Being born with an inexhaustible quench for knowledge and what the medical world would describe as, “a very effective endocrine system” that allowed me to be completely replenished on less than four hours of sleep per night, I had by my mid-twenties, accumulated an answer for everything. “Just ask Caesar”, was a common catchphrase amongst my friends and family.   By the time I reached that intersection in the spring of 2003, where my own purpose in life was questioned, I was on top of my world.

On that day, a truck nearly collided with us.  My immediate reaction was to chase the guy down.  But glancing up, I noticed my daughters face in my rearview mirror.  She was content, she felt protected, by her father.  She had peace in her eyes.  And despite all of the knowledge that I accumulated by reading multiple books per week across two decades, my 18-month old, unlike me, was secure in her knowledge that she had a protector.

Work, work, work, gain, gain, gain, earn, get up, conquer your fears and JUST DO IT! Lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute a crisis on mine, if it’s gonna be, it’s up to ME, whether you think you can’t, or think you can, you’re right!  This was my “positive mental attitude” before the intersection and this was my attitude after the intersection.  The only difference is that I kicked it up about 20 notches.  I mean this wasn’t about winning in life anymore; this was about getting into heaven!  So for the next four years, I started to “give back” and tried to earn my way through those gates.  I started to think about all the things that would be pleasing to god… notice the little “g”…it wasn’t the God of the Bible.  I was trying to please my idea of god.

For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  Ephesians 2:8-9

In my world, my god wanted me to do more than ever before.  My god wanted me to leave everyone (including my wife) in the dust.  My god wanted me to, “lead by example”. My god wanted me to “just be a good person” and do right according to my rules.  My god led me to the wide path known as destruction.  My god placed me firmly on the steps of Matthew 7.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ Matthew 7:21-23

By the end of 2006, I had plenty of money, plenty of career opportunities, every toy imaginable, nice cars in the garage and more than enough house within miles of the southern California coastline.  What I still didn’t have was peace in my heart.

I started to get uncomfortably numb and within a few short months, I was burnt out in my career, I was in a marriage that was failing, I was failing as a father, and I was making poor decisions that would have long-term legal and financial implications. By the start of 2007, “Just do it”…wasn’t cutting it anymore.  I needed a new battle cry.  So, after leaving my well-paying job, I was fortunate to “fall” into a business opportunity.  One, that looking back, I was not only a poor steward of, but should have never entered into given the manner in which I was “awarded” the business.

As the disciplined, methodical man who had all the answers most of his life, I was spiraling helplessly out of control.  And as that pride-filled man from the Land of Oz, I couldn’t let anyone behind the curtain.

Than one weekend night in May of 2007, Linda and I reached the end of our marriage.  It was clear that on Monday morning, we would be racing to hire the best divorce attorneys that money and influence could buy.  Fortunately for the both of us, God had different plans.

That night, with my soon-to-be ex wife upstairs and me downstairs, I cried out to God for the first time in my life.  “God, I still love her”.  “God, I don’t know how to fix this”.  “God, if you are listening…HELP ME!”

I’d like to report that this bolt of lightening shot through the window of my family room and inscribed on the walls, “Seek my servant Kirk Cameron”.  But that’s not what happened.  For some reason, he just popped into my head and I remember wondering what ever happened to that kid from Growing Pains?  I mean, why shouldn’t Kirk Cameron pop into your head when you’re seeking help from the Creator of heaven and earth?

A quick search landed me on, “The Way of the Master” website.  I watched intently as he and his ministry partner Ray Comfort shared with people just like you and I, the reason for their hope and the peace they had found through Christ Jesus.  Their approach according to their website, was like the master himself, Jesus Christ.

They had video after video of them approaching people in the street and asking, “Have you ever stolen anything?” …uh, yes.  “Have you ever lied?” …well of course, everyone does… “Have you ever gazed upon a woman with lust in your eyes?” …silly question…who hasn’t?  So, according to your own admission, you are a thief, a liar, and an adulterer!

They go on to explain that we are accountable to our Creator (God), who has prescribed laws that we are to follow.  They explain that God is a judge who judges justly, and that he MUST punish those who choose to break his commands. Interesting.  That makes sense?  If God is perfect, holy and just, than he cannot be corrupt and since he is the arbiter of truth and the ultimate authority of right and wrong…YIKES!  I’ve got a bigger problem than a marriage falling apart or a stalled career… I’ve got an issue with the Creator of heaven and earth who sends people to either one of two destinations. And right now, according to Kirk (ultimately according to the Bible) …I’M HEADED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!

“I need to talk to Kirk and Ray and find out how to solve this problem!” I mean, “trust in God, repent and put your faith in Jesus Christ?”  I didn’t really understand what that all meant…especially at 2:30 a.m. on the Sunday morning after my marriage had pretty much ended.

I had heard of other people “repenting”.  They walked an aisle and they said a prayer or they showed up at a revival and BOOM! They were saved… from what? I didn’t know.  Maybe that’s what I needed to do, I thought.

But hold on, they weren’t living any differently than me. This is so confusing!? If I walk down an aisle and say a prayer, I’m covered?  So I can hang out with my buddies, talk smack and still be a lying, thieving adulterer and get into heaven? Where and how do I sign up for that!  I checked the site and lo and behold… Ray Comfort was coming to speak in my hometown, at a church about two miles from my home. How fortunate for me!  I don’t have to travel and it’s free! Now all I gotta do is not die in the next 13 days.

The next morning I made up with Linda and told her all about Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort and how we were going to church in a couple of weeks to find “peace” for our household.  She amicably decided to trust my instincts and for the time being, there would be no attorneys involved in our marital affairs.

Two weeks later, we showed up at Compass Bible Church in Aliso Viejo. Talk about being fish out of water!  Up to that point, we’d been Christmas/Easter services folks who were “raised” catholic. I believed (half-heartedly) that I was covered by my infant baptism and a bunch of other stuff that assured me entrance into heaven or at the very least purgatory where I could, “do my time” and then through some other process, be exonerated or released… bottom-line, I wasn’t too sure. Up to this point in my life, I hadn’t opened a Bible unless the priest said it was ok.  Well, that was my excuse anyway.

From the moment we got there to the moment we left, we felt welcomed.  The message was crystal clear. The wages of sin is death, Romans 6:23.  The combination of the warm reception we received from complete strangers at Compass Bible Church, with the very clear message exhorted by Ray Comfort, caused a stir in my heart and an eagerness to learn more.  Over the previous four years we had attended services at other churches in the area, but for some reason, we never felt a compulsion to attend on a regular basis.  This time was different.  So we made plans to come back the following weekend to hear the senior pastor preach through (according to the handout) a message from the book of Hebrews.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 6:23

The next week, coffee in hand, we entered the parent’s room, sat down while our kids played and we listened to a message about God’s promise for the future.  “Open your Bibles to”… huh?  By the time we left services that day, one thing was very clear – I had no idea where Hebrews was located let alone Zephaniah.  Linda, commented that it was, “a little too bible-y”.

On June 10^th, we walked into Compass Bible Church for a 3^rd time and listened to Pastor Mike preach on ambitious faith and boldly following God’s path. The message was primarily for believers; that if you have repented and put your trust in Christ, who lived the life that you couldn’t, died the death that you should have, and believe that he triumphed over death to be seated at the right hand of the father to speak on your behalf, than you are enabled with his Holy Spirit to follow him to do his will, which will be anything, anyplace, at anytime.  It was a call to have an ATAPAT attitude.

As a non-believer, it became crystal clear: you cannot call yourself a Christian and continue to walk in your old ways.  We’re not talking about being perfect; we’re talking about not continuing in the same pattern of sin.  More importantly, it’s not about walking an aisle, believing some facts and saying a prayer.  It was about transferring trust.  My life… my sin-filled, depraved life for the perfect life of Christ.  Was I willing to walk away, turn away from that life that I had justified by my own moral compass?  I had friends and family who looked up to me and even though I was going through a rough patch, because of my “self-made” “pull up my own bootstraps” mentality, I felt I was well respected.  Did I really need a savior to atone for my sins?  Praise God….Yes!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

On that day, at Compass Bible Church, I whole-heartedly committed myself to obey the form of teaching called Christianity.   I committed to boldly follow the Lord’s plan for my life.  No matter where it took me.  Little did I know, that what I had asked for at 2:30 a.m. a few Saturdays before, would be answered within hours of coming to Christ.  And in an upcoming blog, which I hope will glorify God’s perfect plan, I will be writing about the single best day and worst day in my life. But for now, back to this blog.

In the three years since becoming a Christian, I’ve experienced what it means when Christ said, “Deny yourself, and follow me”. God’s path from the day I came to the foot of the cross and asked for forgiveness has been at times overwhelmingly difficult and challenging.  But he’s been faithful in accordance to scripture, to provide all that I need to persevere and live for his glory.

And while the flesh gets in the way, and at times, I wish I could take back sins committed as an immature and even mature Christian, I can expect the right trials, the right instruments of his grace and the measured outworking of God’s judicial penalty for those sins, to bring about a death to me, and to be made more in his image, for his glory.

God’s providential hand and sovereign plan kept me in the world for a very long time.

I wasn’t raised in the church; I was raised in a world that loves the self-made guy. Many of the folks who knew me before are perhaps scratching their heads and wondering, “what happened to that guy”, or perhaps they are waiting to see how long this “Christian” thing will last. Still others have heard me proclaim, “Christ as Lord”, yet have seen me walk as someone who is acting in accordance to my will, not God’s.  For that I am not only guilty, I’m deeply sorrowful, and beg forgiveness. God’s Spirit is poured into your heart the day you proclaim Christ as Lord, but also on that day, the battle begins with the flesh.  This is why we are instructed to keep in step with the Spirit and to be in fellowship with other believers.

While we are given new hearts on the day we place our trust in Christ alone, we still have flesh that battles the will of God. But God is faithful to finish the work that he starts in us.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

From a very young age, I thought I had all the answers…and for a long time, the world acknowledged that my way was a workable way, the right way to go. Then one day, I came upon an intersection and after staring uncertainty in the face; I started searching for a new way to live.  Little did I know, that this new way to live meant death to me – But with that death, I received true peace in my heart.  I can now look at God in the way that my daughter looked at me at that intersection nearly 7 years ago. He is my protector, my rock and my salvation.  More than that, I have assurance by God’s grace alone, through Faith in Christ alone, that I am his eternally.

I pray that you have that same peace and assurance in Christ alone and instead of going about life and just doing it, that you lay down your life, and follow him.

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

“Now suppose this man fathers a son who sees all the sins that his father has done; he sees, and does not do likewise" Ezekiel 18:14

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith. Philippians 3:7-9

I can still remember the first day that she walked into my life.  It had been announced that our regular professor would not be returning from maternity leave.  Up until this point in my life, I had never met anyone as caring, or as beautiful as Linda.  I spent the next 6 months “trying” everything and anything to get her to notice me.  On the final day of school, she introduced me to her husband…a doctor.

I spent the next few years corresponding with her, all the while wishing and hoping that I could find someone just like her.  A couple of years would pass before I would be introduced to the girl who would change everything…

In the summer of 1979, at the ripe old age of 10, I met and “fell in love” with Lauren.  She was worldly, intelligent, had an incredible sense of adventure, well read (very important for a kid who was reading the Standard Methods for the Examination of Water and Wastewater, 14^th ed.) and she was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen.  Unfortunately she was a character from the movie, “A Little Romance”, being played by a young Diane Lane, who at that time, was a whopping three years my senior.

A Little Romance, 1979

From the moment I saw that movie, like the character that played her young love interest, I was drawn into experiencing life and love through the cinema.  Thirty years would go by before I would truly understand biblical love between a man and a woman. For the next thirty years, society would define the rules and boundaries of love.

Through one relationship or another, from one societal influence to another, my life reflected the world’s view of love.  I found no rest in my heart as I pursued adventure and excitement in my relationships…and not the steadfast love exemplified by God.

Over time, I was able to separate life from art but the expectations set at a young age and the restrictive path of worldly love held together by a contractual obligation to perform the duties of a husband, left my marriage without the strength to endure or the roots to withstand and persevere through all of life’s ups and downs.

Shortly after coming to Christ, I attended a Men’s Bible Study in which the pastor shared some alarming statistics.  Most notably, the amount of time (minus the discussions about kids, dinner and superfluous issues) that couples in America spend talking to each other on a weekly basis.  And as you might have guessed by the title… we spend a whopping “six minutes for love”… connecting and talking about the things that are truly important.

When I inventoried my list of television shows that I “had” to keep up with, the Internet sites I had to visit every day…it was no wonder that our marriage ended up where it did.

That week, I said “goodbye” to a great number of “friends”… and started getting to know some new friends. I fell out of touch with Izzie Stevens, Meredith Grey and Dr. Bailey and started following Paul, Timothy and Titus.  More importantly the Spirit convicted me to leave my childhood fantasies about love and “falling” in love, and to start focusing on what God says about love.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

As I think back to the examples of the type of love the world had demonstrated, it wasn’t patient…most of the romance movies never depicted couples waiting to have sex.  Worldly love was consistently insisting on its own way, asking the question, “what have you done for ME lately”.  Even artists who I thought were okay, would add to the world’s appetite for love that doesn’t endure:

Good morning, dearly beloved

I’d like to welcome ya’ll

To see the side-effects of sex and alcohol

Please bow your heads and join me

In a prayer for these two

Who’ll be together forever

’til they find somebody new

- Faith Hill, Fireflies, “Dearly Beloved”

It’s a well-known fact that marriage is under attack in this country and the sad thing is that we have brought this upon ourselves.  That’s right …  I said it – We are trampling on our own Christian values.  The same values we profess with our lips we are abandoning in our actions.  Let us dwell on the following verses:

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.    - Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Consider these facts:

• The average child in America spends nearly twice as much time in front of the TV as they do in a classroom.

• 60% of the country can name all three stooges while less than 17% can name three Supreme court justices…If we are to be praying for our elected officials – Which camp are you in?

• Nearly 55% of children aged 4-6 would rather spend time in front of the TV over time with dad.

• A University of Maryland study concluded, after studying 45,000 Americans over the course of 35 years, that the happiest people watched the least amount of TV, while the least happy people spent the most time in front of the TV.

• According to the American Journal of Public Health, (also something I used to read at the age of 10), an adult who watched three hours of TV a day is far more likely to be obese than one who watches less than one hour.

• The average reader can get through the bible in about 55 hours.  Translated into the average time an adult spends in front of the television…it would require sacrificing 3 weeks or 21 days to go through the Bible.

So what do we do with all of this information?  We can either let society program the meaning of love or we can instruct our children in accordance with sound biblical truths.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, 
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1:1-2

When the media outlets of today are used to perpetuate a “how to become a better you” society and not on how to depend on God to bring glory to the Son through our relationships, then we are left with children who seek the only “truth” that is available to them. Am I saying stop watching TV?  Am I saying that technology is bad?  Am I saying that we need to start burning records?

A piece of metal can be used as an instrument of death or life.  In the hands of a murderer it can be used to inflict a deep mortal wound in the body of a victim. And in the hands of a skilled surgeon, that same scalpel could be used to remove some cancerous tissue that saves a persons life.  Are we using the Lord’s provisions for his glory or our immediate gratification and justification of our fleshly desires?

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

I suppose it could be easy to point our finger at the world.  Or we could look into our own hearts and pray then that our marriages reflect God’s will.  We should pray continually for our lives to be a living testimony to the covenantal love expressed by the Almighty Father and that our households would be shining examples in a dark and dying world.

Wives, submit to your husbands, as fitting in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.  Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Colossians 3:18 – 21

I took an inventory of my life today.  I know I spend too much time in front of the TV, watching “Friends” from years gone by.  Being comforted by temporal things and not the living Word of our Creator.

He has equipped us to carry out our responsibilities and to stand up for him in everything we do: instructing our children, the music we listen to, the shows we watch, the relationships we build and the love we show to our spouses. I’m so thankful that by God’s grace alone, I’m ready and eager to focus firmly on him and not the temporal things of this world.  It’s not about relying on our feelings, but earnestly praying to have a propositional objective view of God’s Word.  It’s about focusing on the steadfast hope we have in him, and not the foolish desire to carry out simple-minded fantasies from our youth.

Through the movies they watch, the music they listen to, or the influences in their own classrooms, our children in the absence of direction will form their own opinions on what love is or isn’t.  As an 8-year old child, I started down the path of discovering what love was and wasn’t.  As my own child turns 8 this year and enters that grade where I had my first crush, I pray Linda and I can be effective stewards and examples of God’s Word. That our girls learn about love from our firm focus and application of God’s Word and from how we treat and honor each other.

Let us pray that our lives reflect real love, and that we consider what the world calls love “rubbish”. Let us fight the good fight to the end and remember that what the world calls love God calls sin.

Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3

But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ – Luke 18:13

In the Spring of 2003 a reckless driver who had run a stop sign yet was able to swerve out of the way at the last second, spared my wife who was still in her 20’s, from becoming a widow and losing her first and only child.

As the driver of the car that had come onto the path of this out-of-control vehicle, I remember looking straight into the oncoming headlights and thinking this truck plus my small car wasn’t going to end well. As the tires from both vehicles started that well-orchestrated screech, I remember thinking…and quite possibly praying that my 10-month old daughter would survive.

If you inventoried the people who knew me well to this point in my life, and asked them what kind of a person I was, they would probably have given you the “he’s a pretty good guy” report. I doubt any one of them would have described me as an adulterer, a thief, a coveter, an idolater, a murderer or an evil son who didn’t honor his parents.  However, according to scripture, I was all that and so much more.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:27-29

Miraculously, the driver of the truck was able to regain control, swerve around at the last second and resume their reckless driving.  As he sped off without even stopping to apologize, my instincts kicked in and I geared up to chase him down.

I wish I could testify that I was going to calmly pursue this person and offer some friendly advice on the potential hazards of driving recklessly. But, the depravity that we are all born with had come to a boil inside of me and I was fired up like no other time in my life.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. – Psalm 51:5

I remember checking my rearview mirror and putting my car into gear.  As I looked, I saw the anger in my eyes and then a glimpse of my daughter’s face.  In an instant, I realized that my rules, my reaction and my life were just as reckless as the person who nearly collided into my car.

I spent the next few minutes weeping and trying to come to grips with the fact that I wasn’t in control.  For a person who had always been meticulous in planning and goal setting and lived by the motto, “if it’s going to be, it’s up to me”, I became very aware that day of just how lost I was and for the first time, recognized that there is a god.

On that day, I started dating Christ.  I started trying to be a better person.  I started going to church on days other than Easter and Christmas. I started doing all kinds of things that made me feel better about me. I never once opened up God’s Word to see what he wanted me to start doing. I basically made the Creator of heaven and earth, the God who poured out the oceans from the palm of his hands, my co-pilot.  It would be four years before the Lord would bring me to my knees, and I would pound my chest and beg for the Lord to be merciful to me…a sinner.

There are many examples in the Bible of people coming face-to-face with Christ, being drawn to his teachings, but never transferring their trust and being held captive by the grace that frees us from our sin by the righteousness imputed by Christ. Going to church or spending time with believers does not justify us in the eyes of the Lord. Until we can stand before our Creator, and like the tax collector recognize that we must be contrite and not depend on our own self-righteousness, we can never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.  Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ John 3:5-7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he l will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

As I mentioned before, my life up until and even after becoming a Christian wasn’t and isn’t perfect.  As my pastor reminds us, we aren’t called to be “sinless”, but through the renewal and rewashing by the Holy Spirit, we are called to sin less.  Thankfully, the maturity albeit not perfect, has been steady and consistent.  Praise God.

There are many people with whom I pray there will be an opportunity to share and “re-share” the gospel message with.  Over the past six months, I’ve spent quite a bit of time dwelling on Colossians 3:12-17, and Luke 10:27…it has crushed me in many ways.  It has grown my heart for the lost… for the “friends” of my youth and from my recent past that I know their path, based on their own declaration and lifestyle being in direct opposition to scripture, is headed towards destruction.

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.” Matthew 7:13

Some friends I continue to share with, while others, I have prayed earnestly to be at peace with the closed window or slammed door.  While 2 Thessalonians 3:6, commands us to stay away from brothers who are idle, I keep going back to Colossians 3:12-15…and the compassion I have for “friends” crying out “Lord, Lord” and getting a response that’s reserved for, according to James 1:22 “those who have been deceived”, keeps me in prayer to understand who I should pursue and who I should let go.

Fortunately, we need not rely on our own feelings, but as believers who have put their full trust in God, we have his propositional objective word with which to guide our actions.

Excerpted from: Evangelistic Opposition – http://www.focalpointministries.org/sermon/evangelism-101-part-5-10-05/

Mark 6:11-12 – When they refuse to listen

And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.”  So they went out and proclaimed that people should repent.

2 Timothy 2:23-25  – When reasoning turns into arguing

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth,

1 Peter 3:15 – When answering turns into attacking

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,

Matthew 7:6 – When they start to mock Christ

“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

The perfect Lamb of God was slain to redeem us, resulting in a dependence on the Spirit, and obedience to the will of our Father. We represent him in this world and need to pray that the Spirit will help us discern when to stay and when to go.  Satan is working as the ruler of this world to keep those ripe fields ready for harvest to be laid barren by thwarting our efforts through deceptive distractions…including non-receptive friends and family.

In the late 80’s President Bush sparked, the Points of Light movement, an organization that inspires, equips and mobilizes people to take action that changes the world.

As Christians, we are commanded to be a light in this dark world.  We need not look any further than the codified Word of God, to be convicted, equipped and placed in front of friends, family members, co-workers or that “annoying” person ahead of you at the grocery store, to share not just the reason for our hope, but the need to be reconciled to their creator.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

And while we may be deceptively distracted away from reaching the receptive, we should be prayerfully considering the abundant fields that God has laid before our feet.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, Ephesians 1:11

As we look back upon the paths our sovereign Lord has blessed us with, the many crossroads, the friends, the new directions, let us always remember that we are his children.  Not by our works, but by faith alone through grace, we were purchased to put our dreams, our life, our plans, our relationships…everything on the altar and take up our cross and follow him.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Matthew 16:24-25

“Friends forever” isn’t about gaining in popularity; it’s about demonstrating the love that Christ had for us.  Whatever causes us to reconnect to our past, to an old friendship, whether a thought or an upcoming reunion or maybe spending a week with people at their own personal “life-changing” crossroads, I pray that the person they encounter is less a reflection of who you used to be, and more a reflection of the righteousness imputed by Christ.

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 1 John 3:16

Real Friendship

As Christians, we are commanded to, “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” Luke 10:27.

“Love your neighbor as yourself”… I remember reading this early in my walk, and calling friends to share the news of free forgiveness from God.  As an immature Christian my attempts to lead people away from the ruler of this world, and to focus them on the life, death and resurrection of Christ was primarily done by reconciling them to the truth of God’s Word, not looking at how I was representing Christ.

Over time, as I continued to, “work out my own salvation, with fear and trembling” Philippians 2:12, I saw more and more how my life needed to reflect the goodness of Christ.  If I was going to be a good witness of a person absolutely captivated by God’s grace, I needed to put my house in order, and in response to being his beloved child; the Spirit convicted me to be an “imitator” of God, Ephesians 5:1.

Imagine…your “friend”, one with whom you’ve shared many experiences, hold a great deal of memories with, and who you counted on to get you through the tough times…imagine that they chose to “not get, not want to be a part of, or not feel they have a need to” truly understand what it means to put their full trust in Christ.

And he called out, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.’ Luke 16:24

As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, we are commanded to “put on compassionate hearts” or as Strong’s Concordance puts it “tender mercy from the bowels”, which the Hebrews regarded as the “seat of the more violent passions”, such as love. In my own experience, it’s a gut wrenching feeling driven by the Spirit that gnaws at you until you choose obedience over popularity.

We can rest in the knowledge that, “for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose”Romans 8:28

Nevertheless, as believers we need to remember that we are commanded to “love the Lord your God, with ALL your heart, soul and mind” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.”  This command and connection to love people in need as an act of obedience and living testimony to the transforming power of God’s grace and mercy should be eminently apparent in our everyday walk as Christians.

‘For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ Matthew 25:42-45

Pray then that we are obedient to “serve the least of these” at the moment that God opens doors for sharing.  Pray also, that the friend or family member who is reaching out to you or to whom you are reaching out, would be softened in their heart to hear the good news of reconciliation.  Pray that we not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.

By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:19-20

We have been abundantly blessed.  Withholding the Gospel regardless of where we are in our earthly relationships is not just cruel, but goes against Gods two greatest commandments.

And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Matthew 10:28

Prior to God putting me into his service, I got involved in all kinds of pleasure-seeking activities.  Not all bad from a worldly standard, but definitely living in rebellion in accordance to God’s standards.  Unfortunately, “cross-road” events like graduation, promotions, marriage, parenthood, or salvation are not the only things that puts us on an alternate path from our friends.  Sometimes a pattern of behavior that isn’t part of our new lifestyle or familiar to our new group of friends puts us at odds with our past relationships. And even though our flesh may want to maintain those old friendships, the Word is clear on the path we must take.

The promises we make after high school, to be “friends forever”, rarely lasts a few seasons.  We try and keep in touch, we attempt to reach out, but unless there is some benefit in it for ourselves, we simply lose touch.  So to as new believers, we have a finite period of time before our behavior is either a pleasing aroma to our friends, or we start to stink of death.  And while we are convicted and commanded to reach out, sometimes the door gets closed or even slammed.

For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. 2 Corinthians 2:15-16