Wholly Dependent

Just do it …

Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3

As a child of the eighties, those three words drove an unbridled, yet disciplined approach to accumulating accolades and praise from a world eager to reward the self-made man. I remember distinct moments over multiple decades, where that mantra kick-started me into action on the latest idea or project, or just got me out of bed for the dreaded workout.

Being born with an inexhaustible quench for knowledge and what the medical world would describe as, “a very effective endocrine system” that allowed me to be completely replenished on less than four hours of sleep per night, I had by my mid-twenties, accumulated an answer for everything. “Just ask Caesar”, was a common catchphrase amongst my friends and family.   By the time I reached that intersection in the spring of 2003, where my own purpose in life was questioned, I was on top of my world.

On that day, a truck nearly collided with us.  My immediate reaction was to chase the guy down.  But glancing up, I noticed my daughters face in my rearview mirror.  She was content, she felt protected, by her father.  She had peace in her eyes.  And despite all of the knowledge that I accumulated by reading multiple books per week across two decades, my 18-month old, unlike me, was secure in her knowledge that she had a protector.

Work, work, work, gain, gain, gain, earn, get up, conquer your fears and JUST DO IT! Lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute a crisis on mine, if it’s gonna be, it’s up to ME, whether you think you can’t, or think you can, you’re right!  This was my “positive mental attitude” before the intersection and this was my attitude after the intersection.  The only difference is that I kicked it up about 20 notches.  I mean this wasn’t about winning in life anymore; this was about getting into heaven!  So for the next four years, I started to “give back” and tried to earn my way through those gates.  I started to think about all the things that would be pleasing to god… notice the little “g”…it wasn’t the God of the Bible.  I was trying to please my idea of god.

For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  Ephesians 2:8-9

In my world, my god wanted me to do more than ever before.  My god wanted me to leave everyone (including my wife) in the dust.  My god wanted me to, “lead by example”. My god wanted me to “just be a good person” and do right according to my rules.  My god led me to the wide path known as destruction.  My god placed me firmly on the steps of Matthew 7.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ Matthew 7:21-23

By the end of 2006, I had plenty of money, plenty of career opportunities, every toy imaginable, nice cars in the garage and more than enough house within miles of the southern California coastline.  What I still didn’t have was peace in my heart.

I started to get uncomfortably numb and within a few short months, I was burnt out in my career, I was in a marriage that was failing, I was failing as a father, and I was making poor decisions that would have long-term legal and financial implications. By the start of 2007, “Just do it”…wasn’t cutting it anymore.  I needed a new battle cry.  So, after leaving my well-paying job, I was fortunate to “fall” into a business opportunity.  One, that looking back, I was not only a poor steward of, but should have never entered into given the manner in which I was “awarded” the business.

As the disciplined, methodical man who had all the answers most of his life, I was spiraling helplessly out of control.  And as that pride-filled man from the Land of Oz, I couldn’t let anyone behind the curtain.

Than one weekend night in May of 2007, Linda and I reached the end of our marriage.  It was clear that on Monday morning, we would be racing to hire the best divorce attorneys that money and influence could buy.  Fortunately for the both of us, God had different plans.

That night, with my soon-to-be ex wife upstairs and me downstairs, I cried out to God for the first time in my life.  “God, I still love her”.  “God, I don’t know how to fix this”.  “God, if you are listening…HELP ME!”

I’d like to report that this bolt of lightening shot through the window of my family room and inscribed on the walls, “Seek my servant Kirk Cameron”.  But that’s not what happened.  For some reason, he just popped into my head and I remember wondering what ever happened to that kid from Growing Pains?  I mean, why shouldn’t Kirk Cameron pop into your head when you’re seeking help from the Creator of heaven and earth?

A quick search landed me on, “The Way of the Master” website.  I watched intently as he and his ministry partner Ray Comfort shared with people just like you and I, the reason for their hope and the peace they had found through Christ Jesus.  Their approach according to their website, was like the master himself, Jesus Christ.

They had video after video of them approaching people in the street and asking, “Have you ever stolen anything?” …uh, yes.  “Have you ever lied?” …well of course, everyone does… “Have you ever gazed upon a woman with lust in your eyes?” …silly question…who hasn’t?  So, according to your own admission, you are a thief, a liar, and an adulterer!

They go on to explain that we are accountable to our Creator (God), who has prescribed laws that we are to follow.  They explain that God is a judge who judges justly, and that he MUST punish those who choose to break his commands. Interesting.  That makes sense?  If God is perfect, holy and just, than he cannot be corrupt and since he is the arbiter of truth and the ultimate authority of right and wrong…YIKES!  I’ve got a bigger problem than a marriage falling apart or a stalled career… I’ve got an issue with the Creator of heaven and earth who sends people to either one of two destinations. And right now, according to Kirk (ultimately according to the Bible) …I’M HEADED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!

“I need to talk to Kirk and Ray and find out how to solve this problem!” I mean, “trust in God, repent and put your faith in Jesus Christ?”  I didn’t really understand what that all meant…especially at 2:30 a.m. on the Sunday morning after my marriage had pretty much ended.

I had heard of other people “repenting”.  They walked an aisle and they said a prayer or they showed up at a revival and BOOM! They were saved… from what? I didn’t know.  Maybe that’s what I needed to do, I thought.

But hold on, they weren’t living any differently than me. This is so confusing!? If I walk down an aisle and say a prayer, I’m covered?  So I can hang out with my buddies, talk smack and still be a lying, thieving adulterer and get into heaven? Where and how do I sign up for that!  I checked the site and lo and behold… Ray Comfort was coming to speak in my hometown, at a church about two miles from my home. How fortunate for me!  I don’t have to travel and it’s free! Now all I gotta do is not die in the next 13 days.

The next morning I made up with Linda and told her all about Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort and how we were going to church in a couple of weeks to find “peace” for our household.  She amicably decided to trust my instincts and for the time being, there would be no attorneys involved in our marital affairs.

Two weeks later, we showed up at Compass Bible Church in Aliso Viejo. Talk about being fish out of water!  Up to that point, we’d been Christmas/Easter services folks who were “raised” catholic. I believed (half-heartedly) that I was covered by my infant baptism and a bunch of other stuff that assured me entrance into heaven or at the very least purgatory where I could, “do my time” and then through some other process, be exonerated or released… bottom-line, I wasn’t too sure. Up to this point in my life, I hadn’t opened a Bible unless the priest said it was ok.  Well, that was my excuse anyway.

From the moment we got there to the moment we left, we felt welcomed.  The message was crystal clear. The wages of sin is death, Romans 6:23.  The combination of the warm reception we received from complete strangers at Compass Bible Church, with the very clear message exhorted by Ray Comfort, caused a stir in my heart and an eagerness to learn more.  Over the previous four years we had attended services at other churches in the area, but for some reason, we never felt a compulsion to attend on a regular basis.  This time was different.  So we made plans to come back the following weekend to hear the senior pastor preach through (according to the handout) a message from the book of Hebrews.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 6:23

The next week, coffee in hand, we entered the parent’s room, sat down while our kids played and we listened to a message about God’s promise for the future.  “Open your Bibles to”… huh?  By the time we left services that day, one thing was very clear – I had no idea where Hebrews was located let alone Zephaniah.  Linda, commented that it was, “a little too bible-y”.

On June 10^th, we walked into Compass Bible Church for a 3^rd time and listened to Pastor Mike preach on ambitious faith and boldly following God’s path. The message was primarily for believers; that if you have repented and put your trust in Christ, who lived the life that you couldn’t, died the death that you should have, and believe that he triumphed over death to be seated at the right hand of the father to speak on your behalf, than you are enabled with his Holy Spirit to follow him to do his will, which will be anything, anyplace, at anytime.  It was a call to have an ATAPAT attitude.

As a non-believer, it became crystal clear: you cannot call yourself a Christian and continue to walk in your old ways.  We’re not talking about being perfect; we’re talking about not continuing in the same pattern of sin.  More importantly, it’s not about walking an aisle, believing some facts and saying a prayer.  It was about transferring trust.  My life… my sin-filled, depraved life for the perfect life of Christ.  Was I willing to walk away, turn away from that life that I had justified by my own moral compass?  I had friends and family who looked up to me and even though I was going through a rough patch, because of my “self-made” “pull up my own bootstraps” mentality, I felt I was well respected.  Did I really need a savior to atone for my sins?  Praise God….Yes!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

On that day, at Compass Bible Church, I whole-heartedly committed myself to obey the form of teaching called Christianity.   I committed to boldly follow the Lord’s plan for my life.  No matter where it took me.  Little did I know, that what I had asked for at 2:30 a.m. a few Saturdays before, would be answered within hours of coming to Christ.  And in an upcoming blog, which I hope will glorify God’s perfect plan, I will be writing about the single best day and worst day in my life. But for now, back to this blog.

In the three years since becoming a Christian, I’ve experienced what it means when Christ said, “Deny yourself, and follow me”. God’s path from the day I came to the foot of the cross and asked for forgiveness has been at times overwhelmingly difficult and challenging.  But he’s been faithful in accordance to scripture, to provide all that I need to persevere and live for his glory.

And while the flesh gets in the way, and at times, I wish I could take back sins committed as an immature and even mature Christian, I can expect the right trials, the right instruments of his grace and the measured outworking of God’s judicial penalty for those sins, to bring about a death to me, and to be made more in his image, for his glory.

God’s providential hand and sovereign plan kept me in the world for a very long time.

I wasn’t raised in the church; I was raised in a world that loves the self-made guy. Many of the folks who knew me before are perhaps scratching their heads and wondering, “what happened to that guy”, or perhaps they are waiting to see how long this “Christian” thing will last. Still others have heard me proclaim, “Christ as Lord”, yet have seen me walk as someone who is acting in accordance to my will, not God’s.  For that I am not only guilty, I’m deeply sorrowful, and beg forgiveness. God’s Spirit is poured into your heart the day you proclaim Christ as Lord, but also on that day, the battle begins with the flesh.  This is why we are instructed to keep in step with the Spirit and to be in fellowship with other believers.

While we are given new hearts on the day we place our trust in Christ alone, we still have flesh that battles the will of God. But God is faithful to finish the work that he starts in us.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

From a very young age, I thought I had all the answers…and for a long time, the world acknowledged that my way was a workable way, the right way to go. Then one day, I came upon an intersection and after staring uncertainty in the face; I started searching for a new way to live.  Little did I know, that this new way to live meant death to me – But with that death, I received true peace in my heart.  I can now look at God in the way that my daughter looked at me at that intersection nearly 7 years ago. He is my protector, my rock and my salvation.  More than that, I have assurance by God’s grace alone, through Faith in Christ alone, that I am his eternally.

I pray that you have that same peace and assurance in Christ alone and instead of going about life and just doing it, that you lay down your life, and follow him.

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23